Thursday, May 21, 2009
The day we've all been dreading!
Today was one of the hardest days that I have ever experienced. Janet called me about 10 am and told me she thought today might be the day that Blaze would go back to heaven. I knew she had a good motherly instinct from the start about him, but I was hoping she was wrong on this one. About and hour later I got another call from her saying that he would later get taken off the machines so to go to primary childrens and say our goodbyes. It is so hard to believe that a couple of days ago he was doing good, and now he is no longer there. I know he is not my child but I have so much love for that little man. He was so perfect in so many ways. From his tiny little fingers, Long toes, and perfect face. He was so beautiful, and had such a little body with a huge spirit around it. It is so hard to see Janet and Ray struggle, and to have to make the decisions they did. I wish they only knew how amazing they are, and how strong they will always be because of this. Every time we talk we just cry and cry cause we really do know how each other feels, and wish that we could change the past, but at the same time we know there is a reason, and i am so glad that I can be there for them. It is hard to see my sister cry and to wonder why- I wish I could fix this and make the pain go away, she is my best friend, my strength, My example, and everything I wish I was spiritually, and has always been there for me to help the pain not be so rough, but all I feel like I can do for her is listen. I hope she is listening now when I say- I love you, and I am so sorry. I know you can do this, but please just take it minute by minute, until you can take it day by day. I will always have you all in my prayers, and please know Blaze that I am honored to have been in your presence. I have loved you from the very moment your mommy told me she was pregnant. You brought so much joy to everyones lives that met you, and have had so many prayers from people who have never met you. I love you so so much, and will always miss you. Please tell Malia I love her, and play play play til me and Janet come and get you both some day.
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9 comments:
Ashleigh,
Im so sorry for the loss of Blaze. Im was bawling when i read this. I cant image what you and your sister have been threw. Will there be a funeral service? Keep me posted. I love your sister and you both. I will keep them in my thoughts and prayers.
Ashley
That is the sweetest thing I've ever read. Janet doesn't know me but my prayers are with her. You are all so spiritually strong! We are sorry for your loss.
Ashleigh,
I was hoping for happier news. I have been checking Janet's blog every day, reading the updates. This morning I read about Blaze's passing and have been crying ever since. I will never understand why these things happen to such good people. The only thing I can come up with is that Blaze and Malia were such special spirits, they were too good for this crazy world we live in. Not just anyone was good enough to be their mommies. You and Janet were chosen to be their mommies for a reason, and you will get the chance to raise them someday. I am so glad that we have that knowledge. That our families can be ours forever. I look forward to the day that I can say that about my own family.
I'm sure Blaze and Malia are together, and they are anxiously awaiting the day that their families get to be together again. I am amazed by how strong you and Janet both are. I love you both, and my prayers are with you-always!
Hugs!!
Ashleigh
I really am so sorry for the heartache that your family is feeling right now. What amazing little spirits that Heavenly Father sent into you and your sister. They were too perfect for this world, but are waiting anxiously in heaven for that day that you talked about when you and Janet go to get them.
Ashleigh,
You are a great person. Your sister is so lucky to have someone like you. I am drenched from all the tears as i read this. Please know that your whole family is in our thoughts and prayers. I hope that you all can find some comfort soon. We are so sorry for your families loss.
Ashleigh, I'm so sorry for what you are all going through right now. I can't stop crying. I can't even imagine going through something like this. You and Janet are such amazing people, and it's hard to understand why people like you two have to go through this. I'm so grateful that we know families are forever and you will both get to be with your angels again. Blaze and Malia are so blessed to have such wonderful families. You and your family are in our prayers. We love you!
Hey Ash
When we saw your sister and your brother in law today it was so heartbreaking. I was so glad to be able to help in any way possible. I called my sister Kelly, who lost her sweet little ones a couple of years ago and she gave me this quote that she said really helped her. I put it in the card we gave Janet, but I thought maybe it would give you some comfort.
In recording a glorious vision of the celestial kingdom, received January 21, 1836, the Prophet included this statement: "And I also beheld that all children who die before they arrive at the years of accountability, are saved in the celestial kingdom of heaven." (Teachings, p. 107.)
The Prophet also taught: "The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again.... All children are redeemed by the blood of Jesus Christ, and the moment that children leave this world, they are taken to the bosom of Abraham. The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from the miserable wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope." (Teachings, pp. 196-197.)
Not only will little children be saved in the celestial kingdom of God, but they will be heirs of exaltation in that kingdom. (Doctrines of Salvation, vol. 2, pp. 49-57.) On this point the Prophet said: "They will there enjoy the fullness of that light, glory and intelligence, which is prepared in the celestial kingdom." (Teachings, p. 200.) To inherit the fullness is to have exaltation.
I know that is kind of long, but my sister said that it meant a lot to her, and it helped helped her to more fully understand that her babies were in a better place and that they were such special spirits all they needed to do was to come here to get their bodies and then they could return and be with our Heavenly Father in the Celestial Kingdom. It did not take away all of the pain, but it gave her comfort in knowing that they did not need to be here in this wicked, scary world. It also helped her to realize that it was ok to be sad and to mourn their loss, but also that she could be happy and rejoice in where they were now and that she would be able to be with them again someday.
What a beautiful post. I just love you and Janet and I'm so sorry that you both had to go through so many hard things...I can't imagine the pain. I'm so glad you have each other to lean on. Love you.
Ok so I had no idea that you had lost a little one until we talked tonight and when I read this blog entry it just melted my heart knowing you were so there, in more ways than one, for your sister. It was so touching to be at his funeral. After it was over I got back in my car when Brandon and Ty picked me up and I just held Ty's hand all the way home. I know we are blessed to have healthy happy babies. I do not think I could bear the thought of losing one before they could take their first steps like you and Janet did. Sometimes I get so very frustrated wondering why I ever decided I wanted to be a mother. Even now Ty is cruising into his "terrible twos" earlier than planned (haha)and I just wonder how in the heck to deal. But what I just need to remember is, to be thankful I have him. I am trying to be more patient with him and portray the love I have for him even though it's not possible cause I love him beyond actions or words. Anyway your and Janet's stories can be appreciated by everyone, including those who haven't lost little ones. I defintely appreciate them and it teaches me to count my blessings and to remember that heaven isn't that far away and families are forever. Something we should take comfort in everyday. I heart you :)
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